accomplished twins. life is a go
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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