Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
