I looked at my own cervix.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
