And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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