His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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