I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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