I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All the doctor said was why
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
