he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
