Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
