I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
