I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize