Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize