Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's shark week go big or go home
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
