you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Randomize
