I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Someone shattered a urinal.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
