That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
