You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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