I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
