life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
