i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
