yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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