Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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