whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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