It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
