I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I AM VODKA MAN
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
