my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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