they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
