the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
