One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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