sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
