I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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