Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
