I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
