I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
