i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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