Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize