Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
