My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
