Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
