State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
