You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
