By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
