i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
