Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
