Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
