better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
