I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
