i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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