I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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