is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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