When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
