she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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