Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
