she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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