I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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