Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
