it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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