I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize