im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
COCAINE IS GR8
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
