Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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