Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize