i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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