I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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