i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
