Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
