You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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