I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
