i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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